“Bakla Ka Ba?” and Other Ways Filipino Culture Polices Gender

Photo by Bahaghari Philippines

The Joke That Isn’t Funny

A little boy picks up a Barbie doll. An uncle snickers and says, “Bakla ka ba?” (Are you gay?)
A teenage girl prefers wearing basketball shorts instead of dresses. A tita remarks, “Titibo-tibo ka na naman.” (You're acting like a tomboy again.)
A young queer person comes out to their family, and someone responds, “Sure ka ba? Baka influence lang ‘yan ng barkada.” (Are you sure? You might just be influenced by friends.)

These everyday comments might seem small or harmless to some - maybe even passed off as “jokes” or “tough love.” But beneath the humor or concern lies something more harmful: gender policing.

This form of social control tells people how they should act, dress, move, speak, or love—based on rigid gender roles. And in the Philippines, it’s so deeply normalized that we often don’t even realize we’re doing it. But its impact runs deep, shaping how people see themselves and the limits they believe they must live within.

What Is Gender Policing?

Gender policing is the act of enforcing traditional gender norms - punishing, mocking, or correcting people who stray outside what’s expected. It’s done through language, body language, social pressure, emotional manipulation, and sometimes violence.

In the Philippines, it’s often framed as concern for what’s “proper” or “respectable,” especially when done by elders. But no matter how well-meaning the delivery, the message remains the same: Act according to your assigned role or face consequences.

And while queer and trans folks are usually the main targets, gender policing affects everyone. Cisgender women and men also suffer under a culture that says there is only one “right” way to be.

Everyday Ways Filipino Culture Polices Gender

1. Language That Shames and Stereotypes

Words matter and in the Philippines, the way we talk often enforces gender norms.

• “Are you gay?” is not just a question—it’s a warning. It’s said to boys who are gentle, expressive, or emotionally open.

• “She’s a Tomboy.” is said to girls who are confident, sporty, or uninterested in boys.

• “Soft,” “looks like a tomboy,” and even comments like “Stand straight” or “You are a woman, act like it” are all ways we’re taught to fit a script.

These labels don’t just describe. They police. They tell us what’s allowed, what’s shameful, and who gets to belong.

2. Policing of Appearance and Clothing

Gender norms also show up in how people are expected to dress or present themselves.

• Boys are told to avoid pink, never wear makeup, and maintain “cool” energy.

• Girls are expected to be soft, demure, and feminine. Even when it’s not who they are.

Even in schools and homes, we see strict gendered rules about haircuts, uniforms, posture, and behavior. If you don’t conform, you risk being punished, bullied, or judged as disrespectful or rebellious.

3. Gendered Expectations Around Roles and Hobbies

In many Filipino households:

• Boys are pushed to take on leadership roles, be the “man of the house,” and suppress emotions.

• Girls are expected to be mild-mannered, help in the kitchen, and always serve others.

Outside the home, this plays out in the kinds of activities or careers we’re encouraged to pursue. A boy who wants to become a dancer or makeup artist is seen as weak. A girl who wants to be a mechanic or boxer is seen as “boyish.”

Even innocent hobbies, like a boy playing with dolls or a girl playing basketball, are scrutinized. Why? Because our culture has long been obsessed with making sure people “stay in their lane.”

Where Did These Ideas Come From?

Here’s a truth we don’t often talk about: rigid gender roles aren’t “Filipino values”. They’re colonial values.

Before Spanish colonization, many Indigenous communities across the archipelago had fluid, diverse understandings of gender and sexuality. Babaylans, often women or queer individuals, were revered spiritual leaders and healers. They held power, spoke with authority, and weren’t confined to binaries.

But colonization changed all that. The Spanish brought Catholicism, patriarchy, and the idea that men should dominate, and women should obey. Queerness became “sinful.” Gender fluidity became “unnatural.” Power in the hands of women and queer folks became “dangerous.”

Over time, those ideas became law, then education, then family norms. Today, we enforce colonial gender norms without even realizing they were never ours to begin with.

The Harm It Causes

When gender is policed, people learn to police themselves. They learn to shrink, hide, and suppress.

For queer and trans people, this can mean:

• Growing up in fear of rejection or violence

• Being forced into silence or secrecy

• Struggling with depression, anxiety, or shame

• Getting kicked out of homes or excluded from community spaces

But even cisgender people suffer:

• Boys raised to suppress emotions may struggle with anger, intimacy, or mental health.

• Girls raised to always please others may develop low self-worth or resentment.

• Relationships become rigid performances instead of safe, honest partnerships.

When we punish people for not fitting gender norms, we don’t just erase queerness. We erase joy, creativity, and connection.

How Can We Do Better?

Reclaiming our culture means unlearning the rules we’ve inherited and choosing something freer, kinder, and truer.

1. Question harmful language.

Think twice before repeating comments like “Bakla ka ba?” or “Mag-behave ka, babae ka.” Ask: Am I correcting them or controlling them?

2. Support all forms of self-expression.

Let kids dress how they want, play how they want, and feel how they feel. Expression is not a threat. It’s a right.

3. Affirm LGBTQ+ folks without conditions.

You don’t need to “understand” queerness to show support. Just believe people when they tell you who they are and protect their dignity.

4. Celebrate our pre-colonial roots.

Learn about babaylans, Asog, and other gender-diverse figures from our history. Their stories prove that queerness is not new. It’s indigenous.

5. Speak up, especially at home.

When Titas make comments, or Lolos joke in harmful ways, speak up with love. Start conversations. Change starts where we live.

Protect Instead of Police

Instead of asking “Bakla ka ba?” with judgment, what if we asked:
“How can I support your desire to live a joyful and authentic life?”

Filipino culture is rich in love, humor, and care. But to truly live those values, we must let go of the colonial rules that divide us and reclaim the freedom to live beyond binaries.

There’s no one right way to be a man, a woman, or anything in between. There’s only your way - the one that feels honest, whole, and yours.